handel | Jack & Pip: Some Dive Bar in Londontown

[Continued from here.]

Somehow, they've gone from fisticuffs to a night out at a bar.

Pip isn't sure how, exactly... but that's often how it is with Jack. He could never quite keep up with the tempo of that man. Of when something was a joke or when it was serious, when things were stressed or when they were relaxed. Very possibly, it's his own fault. He tended to take seriously (and balk at) whatever Jack joked about, while imagining that some of the more outlandish tales Jack told about his life and London in general must be all folly (when in fact, time is more and more informing him, those stories were not.) Similarly, Jack always seemed to be rather too-relaxed about the things that Pip was rather too-stressed over. As a result, they moved to a very different beat of the drum, and Pip often found he was only halfway through the notes when suddenly Jack was dragging them both to a new page of music.

Case and Point: The dive-bar, the very night after his hangover, the very night after he'd sworn he'd never drink again. And drinking right beside the very man he'd almost taken to task over Estella's honour, at that.

He'd never really been to any of London's more reasonable drinking establishments-- he'd been told it was better to stick to shelling out money at member's clubs, 'seeing and being seen', whatever that meant.Hhe'd gathered, too, from Jaggers and from the general air of disdain for the common man his new social rung carried, that you didn't want to 'be seen' by the wrong people, which was what this bar was absolutely full of. Oddly, though, there really didn't seem to be anything wrong with the wrong people, just that they were rather more like Joe than they were like Estella: which meant, he'd feel much more comfortable here than he did at member's clubs, if he wasn't so uncomfortable with how comfortable it was.

...You can see why he'd be over-stressed, with thoughts like that.

Biting his lip out of a bad habit he meant to break, he'd take a seat beside Jack at the bar and peered over, for all appearances trying to hide himself in his coat collar, to avoid 'being seen.'

"Hello... ...are you sure that drinking more really cures the bad effects of alcohol?" Well, Nancy had said so, anyway. It just seemed like a hypocritical solution, to him.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

handel

"Oh... I see. Your feelings aren't returned then?" Things were as simple as they were complex in his mind.

Case and point: Estella said she could not love him back. He accepted this in his head, but not in his bone marrow, where loving her stuck too deep. He'd love her always and forgive her always, and it wasn't contingent on whether or not she returned those feelings. People said to let go, because being together was impossible. Her feelings made it impossible. But also impossible was letting go.

He couldn't fathom why people could tell you to do the impossible, then say those things which couldn't ever happen still were possible. Didn't it mean they understood why letting go wasn't an option?

"Or does some other object stand in your way?"

Edited Date: 2018-07-13 02:27 pm (UTC)

From:

artfuldawkins

Jack did not answer either question, but instead simply raised his eyebrow as if silently asking Pip if he really thought he was going to get an answer that easily.

In one case his feelings were returned, in another they could never be returned. In another... well, who knew what was going on there. Frankly, it's all a bit mixed up in his own mind.

From:

handel

Pip stared back, round-faced and round-eyed and not quite getting the need for silence. People rarely said what they meant, and more rarely still told the full story-- this, he understood about life now. Most people weren't like Herbert, filled with exuberant honesty that they handed out like daisies and often suffered for doing so. Most people were more reserved.

But he'd never really met someone who said nothing at all, and relied on body language so heavily, like Jack. He'd stare at that raised brow for a very long moment; too long, probably; before he realised Jack didn't intend on answering.

"...all right. And you are not simply able to just 'get over' them either, are you?" If Jack wouldn't talk about himself, then they could talk about their middle ground.

From:

artfuldawkins

"No," he agreed, "but unlike you I ain't sitting around moonin' over 'em, am I?" He gave another look, hoping that this time it got through to Pip that was he was doing? Well, it weren't exactly what anyone could label as being good for him

From:

handel

"Well how should I know? You don't say anything about it even when you're asking. You very well might be mooning over it, or doing some other thing about it that's equally bad, like pretending it doesn't hurt. And besides-- I do things other than just think of Estella."

Like. Learn how to dance, for Estella. And give away all of his money to Herbert without him knowing. And try not to piss of Jaggers.

All fantastic hobbies.

From:

artfuldawkins

"An' how of what you do is motivated by what she might like?"

From:

handel

"A lot of it, I guess... but also, it's not really as if I have a choice." Because a lot of what he assumed she'd like, he also had to do to meet the requirements laid out by his benefactor. He'd started out in life with no money and no choices, and now he had rather a lot of money and still no choices. So either way, it wasn't as if he could do much to displease her, without making a fool of himself to his handlers.

From:

artfuldawkins

"Everyone's got a choice. Options aren't always the best, but there's a choice." This is why Jack was glad he was largely left to his own devices

From:

handel

Shaking his head.

"No. Not me."

The only options were: go home and learn to be a Farrier for the local steel and metalworks (his original track), or stick on the path he had now and become a 'gentleman'.

But that was really no choice at all, was it? Because if he didn't do the latter, Herbert would never be out of debt, and would never have the life he wanted. And Pip couldn't do that to him. Even if he did quit at this, it wasn't as if he'd have a choice. He couldn't leave Joe to do the work alone on a whim. That would be giving a good man a bad turn.

So the only option was to stay the course.

From:

artfuldawkins

As Jack would point out to him; that what he described right there? That was making a choice. Juat because he didn't think it was, doesn't mean it weren't. But Pip was an odd one, weren't he?

"Whatever you say."

From:

handel

For someone utterly convinced he was a probably a bad sort of person and the most ungrateful man on earth, Pip could never quite see helping someone as a 'choice'. He could dislike it, complain about it, feel matters were unfair. But when it came down to it, the only way he knew was to help when someone needed it. Even if they didn't know he was helping.

Good people, people like Herbert, they deserved that help more than he deserved opting not to give it.

"...maybe I'll have the beer after all." Tugging it back and taking another sip.

From:

artfuldawkins

"Good choice," Jack could only smirk at him.

From:

handel

He'd take a long, long drink before setting it back down. Coughing, a little.

He didn't know what else to say, really. He wasn't going to get Jack to talk, and Jack wasn't going to get him to agree.

From:

artfuldawkins

Jack took a long drink and then shrugged.

"You've not said why yet," he commented. Oh, he knew the reasons Pip was attracted to her, but no why his love was so unconditional.

From:

handel

"Why what?" Jack would certainly have to be more specific, as nebulous questions did tend to alarm Pip.

From:

artfuldawkins

"Why are you so unconditional for her?"

He had felt the question was perfectly clear, but Pip was a bit slow on the uptake sometimes. It was who he was.

From:

handel

"Oh..." Peering up at the ceiling a long moment. "...I suppose I don't know, because there isn't really a reason. I guess that's what unconditional means. Without any conditions. I love her because I love her. I think I'd love her no matter what. But I feel the same about Herbert, and for other people too, I'm sure."

For someone who often passed harsh initial judgements, Pip was actually surprisingly unjudgemental around friends. Perhaps because he knew there was so much to judge within his own self-- why turn that outwards when he hadn't made a perfect man of himself, either?

"When I met her, we were children, and she was very pretty, and very mean, and very trapped. And I was very stupid, and very plain, and very shy. And then I punched someone because they asked me to, and gave me no choice. And she was thrilled. And I saw that beneath all that sad, meanness, she just wanted something to happen. She wanted to escape who she was, just like I did. It was the first time I'd really helped someone. And it was the first time I think she'd been happy. I suppose that's why I started loving her, and ever since then, I just have. And probably always will. Does that make sense?"

From:

artfuldawkins

"It does," though he didn't exactly sound happy about it. That type of love... Jack knew that type of love too well, he'd seen the effects of it his whole life. Well, more an extreme case of it, not exactly the level Pip was at but more a heavily cultivated co-dependence. It wasn't good at that level, and he was pretty sure it wasn't all that good at Pip's level either.

"...Think this whole love stuff is more trouble than it's worth, mate." He sighed, taking a drink.

From:

handel

"I think it's probably unavoidable, really." Everyone fell in love, for the most part. There weren't any choice in it, neither. If everyone could pick, why, they'd probably all pick the same few people who were comely and kind, and no one would ever mis-match up with anyone else. God only knew how Joe had once loved his sister, but some people had big hearts, and it made up for the smaller hearts of others. That's all love was, far as Pip could tell. Making up for the bitter and small parts of someone else, because you saw those parts, and you forgave them them.